And then I laughed

I really hate when people misconstrue what you are saying and base it on some imagined insecurity. For example; your friends boyfriend is cheating on her. In response  you make her aware of his infidelity, which she denies by claiming that your jealous of her relationship since she is single.

This is how I feel most people approach conversations of issues about self hate and ethnicity. The person in most cases is not jealous but is genuinely concerned. The fact that skin color/hair texture education is very important to me is not that I’m jealous. But instead as someone who had a hard time accepting I  was bothered by my skin color and hair texture I don’t want anyone else have the same problem. The issue is preventable. We should all start being honest about why we are afraid of playing in the sun, or our constant need to relax our hair and add extensions..

At the core of it be who are you. I just have a problem with the need to be opposite of that be considered beautiful. Outside of this do what you want.

And so it begins, my love affair with Ghana. As is the case with any other lover, it was unexpected and in the begining I wasn’t sure if it was really what I was looking for. But it is. This entry wont make sense, it will read more fragmented.

Today, or this week rather  has been amazing to say the least. With four other people that just recently were complete strangers, I made beautiful music. One guitar, languages and genres as barriers between.  I was intoxicated by the pure magic of it. Love was what we exchanged in heat as mosquitoes nipped at our bodies. In that moment was the complete and utter feeling of being content that only comes once in awhile. I was by no means the best and perhaps for the first time in my life I was okay with it. We strummed our own tunes and wrote our own lyrics. Flying in Africa. Proving that the human experience is universal, only shackled by our insecurities in the presence of the other.

My first revelation has been just this. I have false insecurities when around those different. I don’t know where they came from, or why but the simple truth is that they exist. Holding me back. This was the beginning of their annihilation.

Tomorrow I will visit the slave castles on Cape Coast. Pondering a more recent question that has just arisen. Not all of the slaves were taken by Europeans. Were those who were weaker? Or were the people of the motherland just as evil as those who committed the atrocities that now make up the African diaspora? Does it still matter today?

More to come…

Life is truly one big roller coaster. Yesterday I was nervous and scared about what the next six weeks would bring. Today I’m so overjoyed by this whole experience. We started our classes and of course I’m taking politics in developing countries, social service delivery systems and African dance (of course I dominated in dance).Luckily each of these classes will give me the opportunity to explore different fields of study and hopefully gain a better idea about what I want to do.

Every time I begin to write anything on here I go blank. There is just so much in each moment to that I could talk about…hmm maybe i will just post some pictures instead.

My second day here and I don’t love it quite yet. There is so much to get used to and to learn. The smell of it reminds me a lot of Papua New Guinea. Making me revisit feelings that I had thought were long buried. For a long time while there I was terrified of the jungle. Those same tastes and smells bring me back to there. They say smell is the strongest sense tied to memory…

I know however that I am only two days in. The people here are not so worried about time like we are in the states. Its weird  for me. All I have ever thought about was time and deadlines. Adjusting myself to that will surely be a task. Anyone who knows me knows I am in a constant rush.

I feel so silly saying this, but I miss my family/friends. Just when I was beginning to enjoy staying at home in Denver, I run off to another country. So typical of me. I think it’s my unconscious  way of testing myself and limits, Perhaps making me stronger.

I do long for the day free of jet lag, where I am in love with Ghana. Africa.

So this is interesting. My first night in Africa and its weird tot think that I’m actually here. The anticipation of my arrival left me nervous about what to expect. I think that for now I’m really excited. I really just want class to start. Its so dark right and it’s only seven o’clock. I’m not sure if I should be sleeping or getting ready for other stuff. hmm…lets go explore the world.

I have been putting this off for awhile now. I signed up for tumblr about two weeks ago, but nothing came to mind. I know when my trip is over I will be so grateful for my little tagline url.  My experience in Africa on this nice little webpage :) So I’m sitting here, reflecting as I approach this inevitable moment of departure.  Coming to terms with the fact that this experience will be like nothing I have ever had before. 6 weeks away from anyone that does or doesn’t know that they love me. No more late night phone calls until I’m about to fall asleep, or texts throughout the day. Instead it will be a few emails from the die hard and time to think. Hopefully I will discover the true essence of my life mission.

This mission of mine has always been so elusive. But the gist, or what I believe it to be is to help the downtrodden, to laugh hysterically, and to love. I am convinced that these three things are my fire and fuel. I suppose the next question is who will come along for the ride?